Despite vehement protests from
USPS brass and the cancellation of $200,000 worth of USPS ads that were to run
on Fox, MAD TV aired the controversial segment that featured three postal
workers arguing over who had the best reason to go on a killing spree. In
the end, however, no one was shot and the three would be mass murderers
turned their guns on an unfortunate post office robber and were hailed as
heroes. Following are excerpts from the skit:
Postal Clerk: "We have
the following kinds of stamps: love, wildflowers, vintage planes,
songbirds, famous gays, and cuts of meat."
Customer: "O.K., give me
the negro leaders stamp..."
Postal Clerk: "...We
only have them during black history month, and this is white history
month."
Postal Customer: "I'm a
bowling ball dealer... I do all my work on eBay. Computers make my job so
easy."
Postal Clerk:
"Aren't you precious."
Postal Worker: "I've been
killing animals for quite some time and I just thought it was better to
move up to bigger prey."
Postal Clerk on Right: "I
hate to pull rank on you guys, but I have seniority here and this killing
spree is mine."
In the end, the postal workers
turn their guns on a robber who stumbles into the planned killing spree.
They capture the crook and are hailed as heroes. The caption to the
newspaper photo reads "Government Makes Firearms Mandatory For All Post
Office Employees."
