991: Be Concise, Not Roundabout and Verbose

Try rewriting any material that you write in an endeavour to eliminate unnecessary words. For example, I will rewrite that sentence: Try rewriting, to eliminate unnecessary words.

Most times one finds a complex solution to a problem before finding a simple solution. Technical people tend to be especially aware of this phenomenon.

It is the same when writing. Most people include unnecessary words, which makes comprehension more difficult. For example: 'in order to', 'so as to', 'in an endeavour to', 'so that' can often be replaced by 'to' or 'so' without loss of meaning, but with increased clarity. Often irrelevant information is included, the most important point is buried and arguments are not developed in the simplest and most logical manner.

Read this description of a "situation" (90 words):

"At the beginning of fiscal year 2002, after I had taken up the position of supervisor at Xxxx, it became obvious to me that the carriers were not undertaking their casing operations in an efficient manner. The reason was that the carriers were allowing themselves to be distracted from their primary task of casing in order to attend to things such as cell phone calls and tasks that were not urgent. As a result of them not concentrating on the most important task, they often made errors and wasted time."

By eliminating unnecessary words and irrelevant information, you can write a much more concise and more easily comprehended description of the situation (40 words):

"After my appointment as supervisor at Xxxx I observed that carriers were not undertaking their casing operations efficiently. The carriers often lost concentration, made errors and wasted time, because they were being distracted by non-urgent tasks and cell phone calls."

The STAR method 

STAR helps you to formulate your ideas and to present information more clearly.

Situation: While I was...
Task: My task was to...
Action:  I responded by...
Result: The outcome was...

Depending on the particular case, 'Situation' and 'Task' may be combined or seen as alternatives. For example, it might be appropriate to begin with a statement of a task that you were given to do.

You can include the words "Situation", etc. as above, or just write separate paragraphs for each part of S, T, A and R. Also, the S & T parts are often combined into one paragraph.

Example of a Quality KSA Statement

This is an employee's response to the Human Relations requirement:

While supervising (Acting Supervisor, Customer Services) at the Westchester Station in xxxxx xxxxxx, xxxxx, I encountered a veteran letter carrier that exhibited a very negative demeanor towards his job. The carrier had a general mistrust of management from, according to the carrier, "years of autocratic and abusive management." Through my daily actions I was able to turn an apparent negative into a positive by involving this carrier in the daily operations. If I did not know the answer to a question, I would ask this carrier, since he had years of postal experience. I employed his concern for safety by encouraging him to become Safety Captain, a job in which he gave weekly safety talks to the other carriers. Through these and similar actions the result was an employee that contributed to the "team concept." By working with this employee (and others) on a daily basis I demonstrated that I could be concerned about postal operations and my fellow postal employees.

which is not bad, but may be re-written much more effectively as:

While I was Acting Supervisor, Customer Services, at the Westchester Station in xxxxx, I observed that a veteran letter carrier had a very negative attitude towards his job. He said that he mistrusted management because of their "years of autocratic and abusive management".

My task was to influence the carrier to improve his attitude and to demonstrate that I was not an autocratic and abusive manager.

The strategy that I adopted was: to draw on this carrier's many years of experience when I needed answers to questions; to employ his concern for safety by encouraging him to become Safety Captain, a job in which he gave weekly safety talks to the other carriers; and to take other actions that demonstrated that I respected him and valued him as part of the team. I involved this carrier and other employees in the daily operations.

The result was that I turned a negative into a positive, and I gained the respect of my fellow postal employees as a manager who values employees and aims to achieve quality in postal operations.

I have written this statement in the STAR form, with a new paragraph for each of S, T, A, and R. If you wish to emphasize your use of the STAR method, you may begin each paragraph with the appropriate word, thus:

Situation: While I was Acting...
Task: My task was to...
Action:  The strategy that I adopted...
Result: The result was...